Into week 3 from the hospital

Last week was a good one I’m happy to say. Remarkable that I am saying that too. When we took the NAMI famly and friends classes I remember being frustrated by the people who came in and were having a “good week”. It always seemed to make me think of how far off the back our loved one was. It also created feelings in me of despair that we would never get there. I mean NEVER get there.

I didnt understand why I couldnt rejoice with others. I still am not sure why. I would say things like, “That’s great” and “How aweseome for you guys”. I never did, however, feel like what my mouth said.

One time, we had a speaker visit. He was a young handsome man with Schizphrenia. He was actively in recovery… creating art and selling it. taking a class at the college. He was tall and well dressed and , most of all, well groomed and clean. I couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. I ran for the bathroom and sobbed. Like seriously sobbed. I just want so badly for my boy to be there. Why isnt MY BOY there? I get so angry at this disease I screm into my pillow, not every night, but frequently. I dont know what else to do with the anger.

I jst purchased The Insanity workout DVD’s. I am hoping that will help me with getting this anger out of my body. Hey, who knows, maybe it will lower my cholesteral at the same time. LOL Ha… Ahhgggh.

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Into week 3 from the hospital

Last week was a good one I’m happy to say. Remarkable that I am saying that too. When we took the NAMI famly and friends classes I remember being frustrated by the people who came in and were having a “good week”. It always seemed to make me think of how far off the back our loved one was. It also created feelings in me of despair that we would never get there. I mean NEVER get there.

I didnt understand why I couldnt rejoice with others. I still am not sure why. I would say things like, “That’s great” and “How aweseome for you guys”. I never did, however, feel like what my mouth said.

One time, we had a speaker visit. He was a young handsome man with Schizphrenia. He was actively in recovery… creating art and selling it. taking a class at the college. He was tall and well dressed and , most of all, well groomed and clean. I couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. I ran for the bathroom and sobbed. Like seriously sobbed. I just want so badly for my boy to be there. Why isnt MY BOY there? I get so angry at this disease I screm into my pillow, not every night, but frequently. I dont know what else to do with the anger.

I jst purchased The Insanity workout DVD’s. I am hoping that will help me with getting this anger out of my body. Hey, who knows, maybe it will lower my cholesteral at the same time. LOL Ha… Ahhgggh.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

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